Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Florida Doesn't Suck in January

So I was at the beach today and I was thinking: "You know, it could be worse. Instead of gazing at the Atlantic I could be looking at grey, disgusting, filthy depressing slush. I love snow, hate slush. For all it's bad job havin', jebediah bush runnin', frizz hair every day wearin' suck assdom is sure does beat the hell out of shoveling a driveway.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Horrid-a Florida

I'm way on yer beam, sister; Florida is not only where all the nuts roll down to, but it's like a big, fat parking lot with palm trees. And amen to hating Jeb Bush--what a f*ck nut. Undoubtedly, tho, if people don't rise up against him now, he'll be on the presidential ticket in 2012.

If'n ya wants to see beautiful mountains, forests, the high desert and the pacific ocean, come west, young woman! Please?

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Just When I Was Starting to Like Tom Cruise

He has to go and lose his mind! What the fuck is this wacky behavior? Don't Scientologists know enough to keep their mouths closed about their kookoo cult? Shit even Mormons keep a tighter clam then this jack off!

What's gotten into him? Is he pulling a PeeWee Herman and looking to get out of the movie biz by pissing everyone off? I think he's truly unstable and he's probably got all of his sycophants puking and suicidal since they can see their meal ticket going up in smoke.

This is a fucking train wreck and all of a sudden I think Katie Holmes might be a little twisted too. Are they trying to be the new Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton? What the motherfuck is this horseshit? Did Scientology push this guy over the edge and now he just runs around babbling like a monkey on acid?

Normally Hollywood types are too self centered to self destruct in such an ugly way. Wait, what am I talking about? Scratch that.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Back up NORTH!

It's like being reborn! Who knew Pennsylvania was such a lovely place? I remember driving through PA on breaks from college and it was nothing but rainy days, overpasses with smoky factories and bars underneath. I'm talking the definition of GRIM. Now it's hilly, green, beautiful and insanely CONVENIENT. The people (for the most part) are nice too.

I've been taking pics and if I can figure a way to load them without having an aneurism I'll do it. Went to ground zero, not going to talk about it except to say even though I've seen it I still can't conceive of it, it's unreal. Been catching up on all of the eating I can't do in that horror show known as Florida. Mmmm bagels.

If only my boyfriend weren't a weasel we could move up here and be near everyone we like AND eat well. But that chump thinks humid, hot, sticky AND stinky weather equal the good life. Bah I say, Bah!

Florida sucks. Jebediah Bush suuuuuuuuuucks. Right to work state sucks. Palmetto bugs suck. Lender's bagels suck. Frizzy hair every day sucks. It sucketh beyond all ability to fathom. I hate it.

O well.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Uchenna and Joyce/Tom

Thank GOD Uchenna and Joyce won the Amazing Race. It's a slow start to making up for the God awful and most heinous KKKendra winning but it is a start.

They were awesome to watch and to know that their marriage was rocky and they left with a million dollars and a renewed commitment to each other was even more awesome. And THEY unlike Rob and Amber (who habitually take the low road BTW) won while being nice, courteous, kind and caring to the other contestants. Too bad a soulless cunt like KKKendra could never watch them and actually learn something. I hope it makes the news when karma comes a knockin' for that bitch.

Rob and Amber, come on you guys! You didn't stop to see if the brothers were okay after the car wreck? Who couldn't love the brothers? Just the fact that they loved each other so much made you love them and then to keep on going when someone is lying on the ground beside an overturned vehicle. I understand the concept of doing anything to win but Rob and Amber take this to brand new lows.

I wanted Ron to win but NOT Kelly. I hope all beauty pageant contestants aren't as inwardly disgusting as this bitch. Look I'll say it once: he was a POW that means PRISONER OF WAR. Get it Kelly? He did NOT weasel his way out of the Army he was captured, tortured, starved, confined and was blessed enough NOT to have his head sawed off by some madmen. The fact that this little idiot does not respect nor recognize the sacrifice he made speaks vooooooooooolumes about her. I am SO glad Ron did not allow her to strongarm him into marriage b/c that would have been his entire life, her nagging and manipulating him to her mindless, shallow will. I hope some BDSM master gets a hold of this bitch and gets her in line b/c that's the ONLY way to deal with the terminally retarded. I think Amazing Race should have given Ron a million simply for that awful frightened look he had on his face when they showed him being held captive. Each of those soldiers deserves a million minimum to have to suffer b/c George Dumbya is an evil cunt.

Tom winning on Survivor. Hmmmmmmm. Well I guess if Bobby Joe and Stephanie couldn't win at least they made it easy on me and had Katie in the final two. It was clear who I was rooting for at that point. First: how the FUCK do you STAY fat when Ian looked like he just got out of Dachau? That's a sure sign of a lazy bitch RIGHT THERE! Second: you're not witty or clever Katie you're an obnoxious little beast so get over yourself. Everyone was right to tell you you were pathetic and useless b/c you are. Being blonde does NOT mean you are entitled to your way in EVERYTHING.

Also, Coby and the baby! SO in love with that decision and that he named the baby Jeneu damn near killed me! Obviously he is one of the few from Karor whose heart and mind are in the right place.

Man, I need to get over these reality shows! But as a final note: BOBBY JON IS THE HOTTEST THING TO EEEEEEEEEVER COME OUT OF ALABAMA.

Friday, May 06, 2005

On Paula Abdul

Okay, she completely sucks ass. No, she is NOT America's sweetheart and no she is NOT a victim. One of the main reasons this country sucks ass as much as it does is because everyone is a motherfucking cocksucking victim. O poor me I have pain here and there, poor me the girls were mean to me in high school, poor me insert your whining of choice.

No one is responisible for their actions because they had a relative with "Creepy Uncle Syndrome" and no one is responsible for applying themselves in school and getting the education they want because their "ADD" went undiagnosed for so long.

Paula Abdul is just the latest in a loooooooong line of whiners. Everyone is heralding her as brave and all the rest of this bullshit because she stated she has RSD and has been suffering unimaginable pain. Well welcome to the human fucking race it's nothing but pain so get the fuck over it. She gets magazine covers because she's crying that her neck hurts and we're at war! Soldiers are dying by the thousands because Dumbya is the biggest cunt on the planet and everyone should drop what they're doing because this dumb bitch hurts a little? Fuck her. Quit yer cryin' biznitch.

And now everyone is rushing to her aid because she played dirty old lady with one of the contestants on the show. Sure the kid could be lying but what could she be on a voice mail telling him to keep his mouth shut about unless it was the fact that they were doing the horizontal boogaloo while he was a contestant. The boy kept receipts and copies of phone records for God's sake.

Now all of the message boards are holding candle light vigils and singing Kumbaya for this dumb bitch and she is totally eating it up playing the victim once again. She's no more a victim than Mary Kay LeTourneau.

God, she completely sucked as a singer as well. Unless you were a big fan of the Chipmunks as a child and were unable to get over that obsession you realize that the bitch didn't sing at all, she squeaked and did a lot of baby talk. Tap dancing videos make me want to take a hostage.

And RUDE! I have never seen a bitch more rude than this one. O of course now that she has been reading the message boards (can you say narcissist) obsessively about herself and sees everyone complaining about how she is so evil to Simon, NOW, she lets the poor man finish a sentence but before that she was all up in his grill. If I was Simon I would have mushed her by the face off the back of her chair and then finished my motherfucking sentence! He's one of the creators of the show for God's sake. This bitch has got nerve all to be damned. And if you want to know the truth I think she should have that hamburger, also known as a mole, removed off her stupid face.

She is a complete joke and she doesn't even do the job American Idol is paying her money to do. She is there to critique the contestants and all she does is hand hold. I say by not telling them where they can improve and always telling them they did well she is doing a greater disservice than by being mean. She acts like she wants the MVP award for being the best counselor at fat camp. I hope this scandal is enough to get this bitch tossed off the show. ANYBODY would make a better judge than this bitch.

On a side note I'd like to add that Carrie Underwood is the most frightening piece of robotics I have ever seen.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Just Saw Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star

I liked it okay. A few laugh out loud spots but it wasn't Duck Soup. The end credits were pretty good though. The former child stars sing a "We Are The World" type song and you get to see some of your old favorites.

Um, since when did Corey Haim get so fat? With that weird haircut of his I was racking my brain trying to think when Rosie O'Donnell ever starred in anything as a child. What a fucking mind blower that it was actually Corey Haim and not Rosie! I always thought that Feldman would be the one to get fat since he always had a face like a dog's ass anyway. Haim was at least cute. But I think Feldman probably whines too much to over feed his face. You Surreal Life fans know of what I speak.

Dwayne Wayne real name: Haywood Nelson is still as hot as hell and even though I only got to see him for a few seconds I think Jeremy Miller who played Ben Seaver on the barfola sitcom "Growing Pains" might be friggin' HOT! From the quick glimpses I got of him it was kind of like a light haired Eric Roberts with cool dimples and no hair lip. They even had Ernie from "My Three Sons!" Who knew he was still alive? Cool!

I think I might have to check the flea market for a used copy of this film if only to get the DVD extras that might get me a longer look at some of these former child stars. Can I just say that I thought Danny Bonaduce was a troll on the "Partridge Family" and I loved the hell out of David Cassidy but now I think Bonaduce is just as hot as David, or was that Shawn? Either way Bonaduce has that Vin Diesel voice action that makes a girl shudder and quake. Leif Garrett even though he has that God awful bandana crazy glued to his crazy bald head is still as pretty as ever and thankfully Rob Reiner looks blessedly the same. This guy doesn't age! I really dig him and his work and may he do it for a thousand years!

Speaking of how former child stars look, Billy Wirth, he played Dwayne in "The Lost Boys" or in other words the beautiful Native American looking vampire with the long black hair. This is one of those guys who just gets more delicious with each passing year. I've seen recent pics of this guy and I swear to you I'd punch my mother in the face to have his love child. He's only done a few movies like "War Party" and a role in the "Red Shoes Diaries" and I think it was "Tales From the Crypt" when I first saw him with short hair (blah) but it has been a looooong time since then. And he's still fucking gorgeous. He's one of those people that when he smiles his cheekbones make him look like an entirely different even more luciously yummy person like Elvis or Eddie Vedder. I don't know why a man like him isn't in every movie. He is the definition of manly man but nooooooooo we have to put up with Leonardo DiCaprio in the leading "man" roles. Let Leonardo do the Gilbert Grape stuff which is the only thing I ever liked him doing and let Billy Wirth do the hot hot sweaty leading man stuff.

Um...I need some alone time now...

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